Practice

Doing Friday's crossword, I realized something: it was difficult. More difficult than it should have been.

Sure, there were some weird and cool clues:

Causes of breakdowns: Enzymes

and who knew what a carpet lift was, much less an alternative to it?! I was stuck on some sort of shaving or patching and had to get it on the crosses: T Bar

I guess it's some kind of skiing lift?!

Anyway. Most of the puzzle was fairly straightforward. So why all the problems?

Aha. It's because I haven't been practicing as much. I just haven't been doing a lot of them recently. I've been skipping, thinking that my performance won't decline.

But it did!

Now, doing well on the crossword matters about as much as doing well in a running race, in terms of real, tangible impact. The difference between getting the slightly larger $3.00 plastic trophy or just getting the $.50 medal.

But, there are things that matter much more, tangibly, in my life. Like getting publications. And giving talks. My administration seems seriously to be considering raising the number of students allowed in each of our classes and raising the minimum number of students required to be enrolled before a class will run.

All of which means much more practice for me being a teacher.

But a lot less practice of me actually doing what I am supposed to be doing. The things that will improve my lot in the profession and which improve my chances of getting tenure.

As far as I can tell, the message from the administration is to "work harder". I appreciate that sentiment. After all, we have very nice jobs considered in certain, very important lights.

But we were hired to practice what we do, so that we could get better at it. Those who have taught know that it is fairly mentally exhausting. Most mere mortals - I know of several, very important exceptions but, based on their publication records, they are not actually mere mortals anyway - just can't take a quick break between classes, prepping and grading to pound out another couple of paragraphs on their book manuscripts!

It might be different, teaching different subjects or teaching at a different level. A graduate seminar would likely help instead of harm. Same with a class where you were able to put in minimal effort - like a much-taught huge lecture with TAs to meet with the students and to grade. But we've got none of these.

Without practice, how are we supposed to get better? Now, I could practice other things less - like running, or crosswords. But those things are pursuits that actually help me figure out how to think and to be in the right state of semi-restful-non-fidgetiness to do so.

Those of you who know me will think here "Wow. I can't believe she's ranting about this! What sour grapes! Isn't she the one who is often free in the middle of the day? During the week?" And you all are right. It is a bit of sour grapes. I should suck it up and practice more, at other times. But, you run out of time to practice. Or motivation. And then you might find yourself either without tenure, or in danger of not getting tenure, or a frumpy, single, older academic with lots of cat pictures. At least, that's what I worry about.

You need to practice at the rest of your life, too.

But maybe really successful academics don't care about those other parts. If you don't care about something, no need to practice.